This is from my old blog from a couple of months ago.
Dear future children…
Picture it- Clarksville, 2007.
Your father and I had been married for almost four months. Our first Christmas I had gotten your dear father a puppy. He was a black lab and we named him Bronco. By this time Bronco was five months old, 50 pounds and into everything. We tried the crate training thing, he outgrew three crates at a rapid rate and would cry all day if I put him in his last crate. So we ditched the crates. I tried putting him outside. The problem there was he learned to jump the fence and would sit crying on the front porch. I didn’t want the neighbors to think badly of me, so Bronco came inside.
Fast forward to the day in question. Your father is sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast and I say (exact quote) “M, would you please keep an eye on Bronco while I go take a shower?” Your father’s exact reply “sure, no problem.” I go shower.
As I step from a very nice and relaxing few moments under the hot water, I immediately sense that something is horribly wrong. In my wildest dreams I could not have imagined the sight that met me as I opened the bathroom door. Feathers, feathers, feathers, every where I turned I saw feathers.
It was at this time that I called our local priest and said this: “Well Father, I’m applying on the grounds that M can’t look past the end of his nose. You see, this morning our puppy tore apart a feather pillow while I was in the shower (and had previously asked him to watch said puppy). The puppy took the half destroyed pillow and commenced to run through the house spreading its bountiful feathery goodness in almost every room. The kicker? He ran right past M in the kitchen with the feather spewing pillow. I feel that this is clearly grounds enough to grant an annulment- the man is non-observant and at times brainless.”
Luckily, the priest just laughed and told me to find the best vacumn I could.
Until next time dear children.