It is that time of year again where you feel the need to annoying the ever living piss out of me, and I imagine everyone else you come into contact with. I have a feeling that I speak for millions when I say, I hate you.
I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you. I hate you.
I hate it when I can’t even simply stand outside without being assaulted by you.
I hate how you have an affinity for my eyeballs.
I hate how much you seem to love my dog’s butthole.
I hate how you try to incorporate yourself into everything I try and eat or drink outdoors, and sometimes indoors.
I hate that you seem to be smaller than the mesh on my screen door.
I hate that people can’t stand outside without looking like they have some full body tick because they are trying to get away from you without running in circles.
I hate that you have refined the skill of being in the exact right place to be sucked up into my sinus cavities when I breath in through my nose.
I want you to die.
I want to rip off your tiny little wings and then let you flounder around while your tiny little gnat lungs give out.
Rip out your wings and make you take a long gnat walk off a really short noodle hovering above a coffee cup filled with piping hot coffee. I’d sacrifice a cup of coffee for this to happen. Although it is basically only a matter of time before you dive bomb into it on your own accord so really I’m just doing it for the satisfaction of watching you die.
I want to invent a heat ray that I can set to only vaporize you. And perhaps cockroaches. But you first. Do you see what just happened there? I put you above cockroaches on the list of things that need to be vaporized from this planet. Are you starting to see how annoying you are? Just a little bit? Maybe?
I want to lure you all into a big box, shut the box, tape it up, and then ship the box to a place that doesn’t have gnats and the people there who always wonder what the big problem is. Two seconds max and they’ll be compiling a list of why they hate you so much too.
Now if you would please take some of these words to heart and beat it, I would be quite grateful. As would my dog’s butt.
Can we add the hoards of tiny little ants invading my bathroom to that list?
1) gnats
2) cockroaches
3) tiny little bathroom – invading ants
seriously, I’m sitting her on the sofa and just found one crawling around on the sofa cushion. That’s it. I’m moving out!