Unfortunately another election is upon us. With that comes everyone’s favorite thing in the whole entire universe- political commercials.

I’m sure this comes as no surprise to anyone, but at the end of each of those commercials is the tag line “paid for by Joe Schmoe”.

Who exactly is Joe Schmoe trying to reach? Who watches commercials outside of those during the Super Bowl?  I can’t tell you the last time I watched a commercial. Hell I can’t tell you the last time I watched something not on the DVR.

I wonder if politicians are aware of the fact that the economy is in the crapper. Do they really think that millions of dollars spent on commercials that very few people will watch/pay attention to/care about really is the best way to be spending money right now?

I would hope not. Yet, the commercials are still there.

So I decided the other day that this year I am not going to vote for anyone who shows a commercial.

But why stop there?

I’m not going to vote for people who have a yard sign, or who pay for postcards to show up in my mail,

(Dear Florida politicians: I do not live there anymore. Please stop sending me your crap. I’m not voting for you.)

or who have billboards, or basically anything really.

I’m going to vote for the person who has the campaign that most closely resembles a run for sixth grade class secretary.

That means if:

There is a bake sale outside WinnDixie that enables you to buy a button making machine so your wife can take pictures of you in your Sunday finest and make them into buttons to give to all your friends (and of course extras so they can give them to their friends)…

Your mom shows up at my door with a cupcake with your name written on it in frosting asking me to vote for you…

There are cheap tshirts given out at your campaign events (these events comprise solely of a table you’ve decorated at various local activities) decorated with puffy paint. Extra consideration if there is a few sequins thrown in…

Your signs are made of poster board from Lowes with your name written in poster paint…

Then, and only then, will you have my vote.

Good luck!