It’s always darkest before dawn.

Well we made it.

Another holiday season is in the books and we came out alive.

I don’t talk about the whole infertility part of my life that often here because well, it sucks and who wants to a.)dwell on the suckage or 2.) read about the suckage.  The answer is no one.

But this time of year is one in which you can not escape infertility.  It’s there lurking around every corner.  No matter how okay you are with your status in life, one Hallmark commercial showing the happy family with their 2.4 children is all it takes to completely unravel your resolve.

Some people are understanding- I have been extremely blessed in the fact that I have two parents that are this infertile woman’s dream come true.  They give me my space and only rarely broach the subject.  When I told them at Thanksgiving that I wasn’t coming home for Christmas, they were obviously disappointed but in the end I think understood why.  It’s all about survival.  Self preservation.  Some are not- the coworker who, knowing of your situation, stands in front of you every day rubbing her belly or the friend who takes every chance they can to tell you how awesome it is to be a mom and you should totally try harder to get pregnant.  They just suck.

But now a new year looms.  Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas- all majorly kid centric holidays- have passed.  New Year’s Eve really is the holiday for the infertile couple.

1.) We don’t have to start hunting down a babysitter in July.  We can make plans as last minute as our heart desires.  If we decide at 3:30 on December 31st that we want to go out, we won’t be leaving any children with that creepy guy who collects rabbit’s feet in mason jars on his porch.   Granted- this chick and her husband don’t usually do anything but still, if we wanted to, we could.

2.) It’s a new year.  There is not a single infertile couple that will deny that even in the most hopeless of situations, when January 1st rolls around they don’t once think, “this will be the year”.  Getting pregnant is no longer my main focus but even I am guilty of saying to myself “surely this will be the year.”  For all intents and purposes, I’ve got new goals and aspirations.  Trying to move on to a new chapter in life- but there is still that little part of me.

So to all my infertile friends- first, congrats!  We made it through the darkest days of the year.  Now is our chance to celebrate.   To that cousin who told you “you should be thankful you aren’t pregnant!  I’m miserable!”- go ahead and gloat about the fact you aren’t paying $300 for a babysitter.  To the acquittance who felt the need to involve you in every step of her pregnancy/birth- remind often that you will have nothing exacerbating your hangover in the morning.

And to that little voice of hope?  Indulge it.  Even if for just the one day.  Imagine what it would be like- but when you do, take happiness in that image.  I’ve had people ask me if I regretted being excited about ttc- planning out a nursery or thinking up names- if I wish I had known then what I know now… and honestly, not in the least bit.

Every one deserves to be excited about having a family.  That bit of excitement might be the closest I ever get to the whole package.  If that time of looking at strollers and cribs is all I get, then I’m glad I enjoyed it when I did.

So here’s to 2010!   May it hold all your hopes and desires.


About Amanda Broyles

Amanda is amazing. Amanda is spectacular. Amanda is humble. Amanda is also a full time college student so take pity on her and don't complain when her TV reviews aren't up immediately following an episode.
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11 Responses to It’s always darkest before dawn.

  1. sulfababy says:

    Hear, hear!
    This is beautifully written, and now I need a tissue!

  2. Buena says:

    i have to say this might be one of my favorite blog posts of 2009!

    here’s me raising a champagne glass to you – to 2010! like you said may it hold ALL of our hopes and desires 🙂

  3. RachelG83 says:

    I love this entry. Very well said. Here’s to 2010 and that glimmer of hope that it brings.

  4. autonomousblogger says:

    Cheers! (me clinking my champagne glass to yours)

    My husband and I just reached our one year of TTC. I enjoyed reading your post. I love that you too encourage hope and optimism.

    2010 will be the year!

  5. mmariluh says:

    I love you, a lot.

    Loved the post, thank you.

  6. saverchic says:

    Thanks for the nice post and good laugh!

  7. calhoun says:

    Great post. Haven’t had a chance to blog review for awhile. Thinking of you, always. Well, maybe not always, but a lot. Swearsies.

  8. Me says:

    What an awesome post!

  9. adaml says:

    [url=][color=#E4F4FE] [/color][/url]

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