(again with Walgreens, I know, but really I shop there for pretty much everything besides groceries and it’s right down the street and there really isn’t ever a line and dear god I need a support group)

I am writing to discuss your most recent “savings” advertisement.

“Celebrate Black History Month and Save!”

This town is primarily african american so I see what you are doing there- appealing to the larger demographic (not that the rest of us can’t celebrate black history month as well), very smart advertising strategy. I get it. I do.

What I don’t get is how exactly celebrating black history month results in savings.

What am I saving on?

Is it peanut butter? If it is- sign me up. Both myself and my ass are big fans of peanut butter. My left thigh got itself a tattoo of George Washington Carver with a big ol’ heart around his face. Love that man. So okay, peanut butter on sale? I’m there. You guys are geniuses!

Is it ironing boards? Do you even sell ironing boards? Do you have one with Sarah Boone’s signature on it? I imagine those are selling like hot cakes. I try to make sure at least one of my items to complete household chores is a collector’s item. So perhaps I’ll saunter on over to the home aisle next time I’m in.

But wait, are potato chips also on sale? Score!!! Peanut butter and potato chips? I’ve died and gone to heaven. My right thigh has a matching tattoo of George Crum with a pink heart.

If you are sold out of the Sarah Boone autographed ironing board, perhaps you still have a Thomas Stewart limited edition mop. While Sarah’s invention was convenient, Mr. Stewart took the inventing game to a whole new arena with his attach the rag to a stick idea. I can’t even imagine how many more times I would avoid mopping my floor if I had to get down on my knees and scrub it with a rag. Oh hell no.

On the off chance that none of the aforementioned things were included in your black history month sale, please tell me that you didn’t surpass Mr. Garrett Morgan. If there is one thing I look to my local Walgreens to carry it is gas masks. In these uncertain times you can never be too careful, right?

In retrospect, it seems like your black history month sale is pretty inclusive and rather ingenious. These are fantastic things that have bettered our quality of life and we should be celebrating them. I apologize for doubting you.

However, I wonder if you are now planning on celebrating “Pope Gregory XIII” month.

You wouldn’t have to put many items on sale, just calendars.

Last I checked, on a calendar purchased at your fine establishment, black history month is the month of February. It is now the middle of March.

Perhaps you should buy one for yourself.

Love,

A very loyal customer