Cop Eats Pot Brownies Calls 911 (Full)
This is absolutely fantastic! The only thing funnier is the misspelling of Vicodin.
Don’t worry cops, he’s going to put the animals up.
And he called his mother in law. Wow- their families must be so proud!
Dear Dance Dance Revolution;
Let me start off by saying, great game. I’ve had a great time discovering all the nuances of the dance pad and enjoyed watching the different dancers shake their groove thing while I gyrated in my living room.
However, can we take a moment and discuss the word Basic? I opened the game and eagerly worked my way through the opening training- passing with flying colors I might add. I then progressed on through the different songs, achieving a A or AA on all but one of them (which I keep going back to in hunt of that elusive A.)
So armed with my supposed new found skills, I moved on to the Master Edition. I got a drink of water and got ready as I pushed start for the game mode. Of course I didn’t over estimate my abilities so I stuck with the Basic mode.
What followed was an experience in which I am thankful all shades were shut and my husband had already retreated to bed. I was slightly ashamed that the dog had to witness it. I don’t believe that my legs were designed by the big guy upstairs to contort in such a fashion. Nor at such speeds. I think my boobs are permantly damaged, as is my chin- where my boobs kept hitting me. By the end of the song I was thanking that same God that I had a big ass because it gave me more cushion to fall on the four times I did so.
The game has been in the box for four days now. Partly due to the fact that I have an abcessed tooth and feel like shit, but I’m not going to lie- partly because I’m afraid of what else it has in store for me the next time I open it.
So if it wouldn’t be asking too much, can you maybe send me a new game that has some language revisions in it. Nothing much maybe just phrases like “it would be best to clear the room,” or “that pillow would look great on your ass,” or maybe even “have 911 on speed dial.” I think that would be great.
Once again, outside of this one experience I’ve really enjoyed myself. I hope to enjoy myself even more with this revised product.
As always with love,
Amanda
Can’t Live Without Your Love And Affection – Nelson
This is for my best friend Kelly- who I always think of when I hear this song. Good times, miss you every day!
Stand By Me
My parents are so freaking cute it is sick! This was their dance at my wedding. This is my mom’s favorite song and I can remember dancing in the living room as one of my first memories. About half way through the girls jumped in with them and started the “Martha Clap and Sway”
Ben was no where to be found, much like the rest of the night! I don’t know who was MIA more often, him or M.
The lighting sucks but you get the idea.
Jennifer Hudson and Jennifer Holliday Live Duet
How amazing is this? There are few words besides awesome that I can think of. These two ladies rock!
Update: I love YouTube but there are times they really are aggravating- this is one of those instances. A great video only on for one day? Why?
That is the best word I can come up with the convey my current frustration. Seriously, I am now on CD21 and still have not ovulated. What up ovaries?
So instead of spending every waking moment staring at my chart on Fertility Friend (which for some reason I think will change if I look long enough) I’ve decided to put more effort into finding a “career.” Well another one that is, one that I can maybe find a job in.
My first career was as a Music Director in Catholic parishes. I’ve been at three parishes after my internship out in Virginia. I’ve had some great experiences and some not so great experiences. I’d love to get another job as a choir director but the opportunity just has not presented itself. So I’m off to seek my second career- baking. I’m trying to get a position as Baker Trainee at Publix which I think will be a good “in” to the business. Here’s hoping.
Any bakers reading this by any chance that can shed some light on how I should go about starting?
So I’m not okay with saying I’ve moved onto cycle #5 because in all reality it is a redo of cycle #4. I mean come on, if 500 miles and a time zone apart don’t qualify for a mulligan what does?
But now Bronco the Destroyer and I have joined M and Ginger in Georgia for good. I’m now in the process of trying to somehow expand my apartment size. Needless to say, it is not going well. This could easily be one of the smallest places I’ve ever lived. Our living room/kitchen is not much bigger than my college dorm at Dayton (long live Marycrest!)
I really like the city we moved to. Very nice and as someone said the other weekend- the south tastes better. There is this place called AJ’s that has a low country boil on Tuesday nights- awesome! And if you don’t make it on a Tuesday, have no fear, you can still get just crawfish and you will spend the next hour peeling those mudbugs.
Well hopefully #4 mulligan is the one for us!
Long live Nouvelle Star. Much more interesting. I’m in love with Julien Dore. As a musican, at times I find his vocals are a little frightening, but overall he is extremely entertaining.
And the woman in the top hat- no words.
If I were to give birth in February it would be an event of biblical proportions. Apparently when TTC, both parties must be in not only the same state but in the same breathing space.
So on to Cycle 5 for us.
98% of our stuff has now been moved to a storage unit. 1% is in our new apartment and the other 1% is here at the old house with me. M was of the delusional thought that we would be able to use the storage unit as a nice cozy little basement addition to our apartment. Little did he realize that we have so much crap that the unit is crammed up to the ceiling! I guess I won’t be playing golf this summer. Bummer dude.
It has a strange sense of de ja vu about it. Another game cancelled. Against the Cubs. Another Cardinals player dead. Another pitcher.
RIP Josh Hancock
So, we are moving. M leaves on Sunday. I’ll go with him for a few days to help him set up some stuff and get him moved in then I’m coming back here to get the house ready to sell.
We are moving into an apartment half the size of our house. We have two dogs, one of whom is a beast and not done growing. The second bedroom of this apartment will have to serve as guest room and office.
I have to find a job down there.
And yet, through all this, I really hope this is our month. Don’t know why but yesterday I had a really good feeling about this month. Then we ordered Chinese take out.
My fortune read, “You will soon receive pleasant news of a personal nature.”
Without missing a beat, M said, “hey maybe you are pregnant!”
If I’m not- I’m suing the Chinese take out place.
If I am- I’ll be visiting M in the hospital as he recovers from the subsequent heart attack. 🙂
This is from my old blog from a couple of months ago.
Dear future children…
Picture it- Clarksville, 2007.
Your father and I had been married for almost four months. Our first Christmas I had gotten your dear father a puppy. He was a black lab and we named him Bronco. By this time Bronco was five months old, 50 pounds and into everything. We tried the crate training thing, he outgrew three crates at a rapid rate and would cry all day if I put him in his last crate. So we ditched the crates. I tried putting him outside. The problem there was he learned to jump the fence and would sit crying on the front porch. I didn’t want the neighbors to think badly of me, so Bronco came inside.
Fast forward to the day in question. Your father is sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast and I say (exact quote) “M, would you please keep an eye on Bronco while I go take a shower?” Your father’s exact reply “sure, no problem.” I go shower.
As I step from a very nice and relaxing few moments under the hot water, I immediately sense that something is horribly wrong. In my wildest dreams I could not have imagined the sight that met me as I opened the bathroom door. Feathers, feathers, feathers, every where I turned I saw feathers.
It was at this time that I called our local priest and said this: “Well Father, I’m applying on the grounds that M can’t look past the end of his nose. You see, this morning our puppy tore apart a feather pillow while I was in the shower (and had previously asked him to watch said puppy). The puppy took the half destroyed pillow and commenced to run through the house spreading its bountiful feathery goodness in almost every room. The kicker? He ran right past M in the kitchen with the feather spewing pillow. I feel that this is clearly grounds enough to grant an annulment- the man is non-observant and at times brainless.”
Luckily, the priest just laughed and told me to find the best vacumn I could.
Until next time dear children.
Another two post day but I couldn’t pass on this one.
So I just damned AF (Aunt Flo aka your monthly period) to hell. It was quite a good feeling actually. If you are TTC you should try it!
Have fun!
I am a very superstitious person. When I played softball I had to always have a new bag of sunflower seeds to start the game. Didn’t matter if I had some seeds still in an old bag- I had to have a new bag. When I was performing, even today, I go through the same little ritual before I start playing or singing. I have to roll my neck a few times, pop all my knuckles, then I just say a little prayer. Sometimes I do it without even noticing it.
The year the Cardinals lost to the Red Sox in the World Series I developed a new superstition. Never again will I talk to my brother in the middle of a game. Game is going really, really well. My brother calls- in mid statement- Isn’t this a great—Johnny Damon hits a grand slam—huh, that sucked.
I haven’t developed any superstitions towards TTC yet, but I’m sure they will come. Being only our third month I haven’t noticed any “patterns” except that what ever we have been doing, hasn’t been working, so who knows.
Which leads me to my ultimate superstition- the Cardinals T-shirt. First game that I wore this t-shirt last year, the Cardinals won. So of course I had to wear it again, and again, and again. I wore it the entire post season! And see how that turned out? So of course I’ve got it on again today- keep that good mojo going.
To get the full wonder of this shirt I have to describe a few key points that do not come over very well photographically.
1.) There are no armpits in this shirt- call it my own version of air conditioning/making sure the pits are shaved.
2.) One could easily tell if I were out free-boobing as there is very little holding the shirt together around the StL logo.
3.) The tag is holding on with a wing and a prayer
4.) The color gray is very deceptive. It looks like it wouldn’t be see-through but lo and behold it is! Found that out the hard way, long story.
So there is my ultimate superstition- I hope everyone has a fabulous Friday the 13th!
Centers around St. Louis Cardinals baseball. There is none better- wait, I take that back. Apparently there is alot better out there which is why the Cardinals dropped the first three games of the season to the Mets. And by dropping I mean making absolute asses of themselves on the field.
Here I was so excited for Opening Day- got the lucky t-shirt on that I wore during the entire post season last year (I washed it every day), hunkered down on the couch, ready to see the Cardinals come out with a vengeance, proving that last year wasn’t a fluke.
What I got was sent into a shame spiral as M likes to call it- a baseball induced depression. But wait- that’s only one game. We can bounce back, just Opening Day jitters. Well apparently the Cardinals suffered from Opening Series jitters.
But they have come back around- Albert has started to hit, which is good. Here’s to a season more like the third series than the first. And may Jose Reyes drop off the face of the earth, or come play for the Cards.
Dear Playtex,
Let me first say, I love your product the Playtex Sport Tampons. I really feel like they are providing me the absorption power that I have been looking for, even if I am not a “body in motion.”
However, I have a few thoughts to share with you. First- When I open a tampon, I’m pretty much develop a one track mind which revolves around pushing a plastic applicator into my cooter. This is not the time to be reminded that “Win or Lose, play fair.” or “Let’s go work out our frustrations.”
I like to cheat- so there. And as for the frustrations part, it leads me to my least favorite saying- “I’m on your team.” If you were truly on my team or understood my frustration, I would not be using your product. Maybe you should look into a TTC version with sayings such as “bummer”, “next time let’s try CD 12, 14, 16, 17, and 18” or try a little cross promotion with Clear Blue Easy and go with “Try OPK’s- they take out the guess work”
Just a thought.
Secondly- let’s discuss the word “Fresh”
I believe that every other day of the month my cooter is relatively “fresh.” However, it does not smell like a chemically induced field of freshly bloomed wild flowers. I’m not sure there is a woman whose own version of “fresh” comes close to this but if you have found her, let me know because I gotta smell that shite.
Other than that, you’re doing a great job. Hopefully I won’t be needed your services next month but if I do- seriously, think these things over.
Love always,
Amanda
I love the show Heroes and here is a video with a teaser from the next episode!
Well, as it turns out not getting pregnant for our first two months trying could be a blessing.
M is in the running for a new job down in Georgia which means a new insurance. I did not realize that most insurance companies see pregnancy as a preexisting condition. I mean it is, but you would think that they would try to make it a little easier to get proper care while pregnant. Although nothing really surprises me any more!
So now instead of enjoying our still new house here in TN, we are looking at apartments that allow dogs down in southwest Georgia. Fun.
To the three people reading this (and that is probably being generous) I’ll keep you updated!
Here is my thought- if there was a button of some sort on our bodies that would make us ovluate. You press the button and within a week you ovulate. Then there would be no guesswork- you would know, I’ve got a week to get it on then you O and you wait.
Instead, you have to chart, monitor, and put a wish in the wind that you’ve timed right. You still have to wait, but I think the waiting after an O is easier than the wait before.
Vent over.
Bird-day, and other little quirks 